Letters from JoshuaJune 23 2008

In the Happy Monkey June Newsletter, I explained briefly how I came to meet this fine young man from Kenya named Joshua Lecha through my son Lane when he enlisted in the US Navy. Our relationship has continued over the past couple of years, and I have learned a lot about his life and his native African culture. I have also learned about my son as he was seen through the eyes of another… This year my relationship with Joshua has taken on a new meaning, because this year my son died.

When Joshua began writing, he explained that he calls me “Mama,” because in his country “the mom to a friend is your mom.” This is Ubuntu in action. The Ubuntu philosophy is indigenous to Africa and represents a way of life based upon respect for others as human beings. Ubuntu defines the individual in terms of his/her relationship with others, so when Joshua calls me Mama, he is defining our interconnectedness and stating his respect for the universal Mother in me… and his role as the universal son.

There is power in a name- what we call ourselves and what others call us.  I remember knowing I was in big trouble when my mother used my full name. I also remember when my sister would call me “honey bun.” It was her own pet name for me, no one else called me that, and it made me feel special. Being called Mama does pull up a universal identity. All mothers know what it feels like.

I remember the day I told the kids that I was taking a “mommy time out” and would not answer to MOM for about 15 minutes. My littlest one looked up and called me by my whole name… I had to laugh. To this day when we are in a crowd, she calls me by my whole name so that she can be sure and get my immediate attention in the sea of other “moms.”

Joshua calls my son Johny (his spelling). Calling my son Johny feels special not only because it is the diminutive form of his name and represents familiarity and affection, but also because we have always called my son Lane, his middle name. Before he entered the Navy, he decided to call himself by his first name, John. He named himself in a sense and was stepping into his adult life and separating from his childhood.

Reading Joshua’s letters have made me laugh, and they have made me cry. They have given me some answers, and they have filled me with questions. His letters have added to my life.